Monday, July 13, 2009

The Heart of Cayden

Cayden has had a lot of obstacles in his life already...from the VSD heart defect and hydrocephalus requiring a shunt to the ADHD and growth hormone deficiency. On a bad day he feels defeated...who wouldn't. He knows that the bible says we are never given more than we can handle but he wonders if God overestimates his ability and strength to carry his loads.

 

 

Cayden is an artist and has an artist's soul. He looks at life and doesn't feel able to change the world into what he wants it to be. So instead he draws...he shows you what he wants life to be. Sometimes he draws cartoons, sometimes animals, many times military things but they are all things that he was very passionate about at the time.

 

 

He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and in his heart. He wants to be in the military so he can save and protect our country. He knew as early as age 4 that that was what he wanted to do and he has never wavered in that choice.

 

 

You would never know that Cayden had had a huge hole in his heart because he has a huge heart. He is able to sense despair or pain or need in someone else and, without a second thought, he picks up that load from their shoulders and carries it, makes it part of his own burden. We are trying to show him that there are limits to what you can carry on your own and when to ask for help.

 

 

 

He doesn't make friends easily but he makes them deeply. He is honest with his mouth and his heart and he absolutely expects the same from others-even God. As I was walking down the hall the other night I heard the end of his prayers. He said "God I love you and I do believe in you but you made me mad today". I am just glad that he has the relationship with God where he is able to say that and know he will feel better afterwards.

 

 

Cayden is 12 and growing up and growing away-as he should. But there are nights when he sneaks into my room at bedtime and I know he wants to talk. It's only in the quiet, in the dark that the words come a little less hesitantly. "Mom why does this happen?... Mom it really upset me when this happened...Mom I really need this" I pray that there will always be a place and a time for our talks.

 

 

My hope is that when you see Cayden or read about him that you will not see the "alphabet soup of disorders" that he lives with...that you don't think about the imperfections but about the perfection of how God made him...not the hole in his heart but the capacity of his heart.

 

2 comments:

countryfog said...

Beautiful . . . the boys, what you've writen, you.

Reading about Cayden makes me realize how 'imperfect' my own heart is . . . how truly often we would do well (and how hard and vulnerable it is) to love as he does. The two of you have a very special bond . . . not only because of what you have been through together, but because you love the same way.
- Dad -

Thare said...

Get the tissues!! *WAAAHHHHHHH*
He reminds me so much of my best friend. {sniffel...I miss her}
I love Cayden because of his wonderful spirit. He was so wonderful with John...and just amazing how he knew exactly what to do. He is so smart...and talented. I can not wait to see where the Lord takes him!